I haven’t posted in a long time and for that, I apologize. I did have a long ramble about the Boston Marathon. That hit home for me considering I’m working to qualify for it within the next two years. I rewrote it about a week ago and still decided not to post it. Today I decided to forget the whole thing and just write a brand new blog that has nothing to do with it. I WILL say that my heart is in Boston, still. Everyone who ran, spectated, or simply lives there…you have my happy thoughts.
How often do I think that I know exactly what I need? In medical cases, I generally find that I’m right when it comes to the needs of my body. However, in the majority of life situations, I find myself completely, hopelessly off track. This happens almost daily to me anymore. I’m not sure if it is universe telling me that it is taking me where I need to be or if the universe is simply trying to shake me up a little bit and get me out of my own way. Either way, I find myself almost constantly going down the less traveled path. The funny thing is, that when I start going down the path, I almost always say to myself “yeah…yeah, this is exactly what I needed.” I’ve started giving in a lot more lately. In the past, I’ve tended to fight it. I fight it hard. I kick and I scream and I punch it repeatedly until I’m so overwhelmingly exhausted that it’s all I can do to just beg it to leave me alone, to please go away. Then, I start making deals…if you don’t make me give in and do this, I will do…something else. Anything else. But this…I really don’t want to do this. I can’t. Please. Then finally, after an hour or a day or a week or a month, I give in to the idea, because there is no other way to make it go away. I give in to the idea, and I am so overwhelmed by a feeling of…power and grace and hope…the feeling that actually, Allison, you CAN do this. This is okay. This is good for you. This is exactly what you need. And do you know…it IS. After all that exhaustion, after all those road blockers I put out there, I feel more ME at the end of it all.
At the same time, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t fight things- just a little bit. I’m a bit of a fighter. Not as in “I want to punch you in the face…” that’s a lie, sometimes, I want to punch people in the face. I haven’t yet, though, which I feel is a positive.