Online Dating (And How I Became Awesome)

I tried that whole online dating thing once upon a time. In real life, it was about 4 years ago.

I’ll never do it again.

But it’s probably not for the reasons you’re thinking. Sure, I discovered my fair share of assholes. I found the men who were just lonely or needed someone to fill a void. The men who were tired of the bar scene. Granted, I also found some people I had chemistry with.

The whole rainbow of online dating personalities, really.

I was fairly lonely myself at the time, so I’m not passing judgement.

I recall a particular time, in the throes of it all, when I was looking for someone who set the world on fire – someone to rub off on my rather vanilla lifestyle of get up, go to work, come home, go to bed routine. After all, I was boring – the only thing that made me interesting were my aspirations. Then again, we all have them – how many of us do nothing with them? I wasn’t.

I decided that this man who set the world on fire – my ideal match – the one that would be the caramel syrup to my vanilla ice cream – did not live within my zip code. Granted, men in other states would never be a dating opportunity, but what did it hurt to see what existed outside my fishbowl?

Plus, I was sick of reading the same profiles month after month. That’s the other thing about dating sites. It’s always the same pool of people in your area. Anyone new that joins is immediately inundated with flirtatious requests and not even worth the ask for about a month.

I found what I was looking for about 600 miles away. Yes, that’s right.

And let me tell you – he was perfection in a profile. A world traveler, a runner, a dog owner and, of course, he was gorgeous.

I totally dug that online persona. But something else struck me – it was just that: a persona. We can be whatever we want to be online. We can be beautiful or popular or funny or wise. But what are we really?

Was HE really?

Probably not.

That’s about the time I realized that I didn’t want to be an online datable persona.

I don’t want to be judged by a photograph. I don’t want to be picked because my hobbies match someone else’s. I want to be awesome. And I want to be someone’s partner not because my online self was up to snuff, but because I was doing awesome things and because I was an awesome person in real life.

If I wasn’t setting the world on fire, I would at least fan a few embers.

This isn’t to say that people don’t find perfectly fulfilling relationships online. I’m aware of a several online relationships that have blossomed.

But it’s not for me.

The funny thing is, that I still consider myself rather vanilla. However, the life that I have built for myself these last four years is anything but. I’ve written four books in one year. Three of them have been published. I’ve built a business from nothing. I’ve adopted not one, but two crazy dogs. I’ve traveled. I AM.

It’s nothing extraordinary, but it’s something – it’s fulfilling dreams instead of just dreaming them.

And I got all that from dating online.

Who’d have guessed?

Lessons and Learning to Wait

I was a child of immediate gratification. I think that’s just the household/society I grew up in. My parents were not wealthy by any means. They were two, lower middle class kids who were working their butts off in entry level positions, just trying to scrape together enough money to make the house payment, the car payment, the utility payment, the daycare payment, groceries, and have a little left over for a box of diapers or some extra formula.
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Impossible

I wrote this awhile ago…found it in the archives of my musings and it just brought an immediate smile to my face, so I felt the need to post it. Going back to my past writings is always a solid confirmation that I’ve grown, I’ve learned, and I know myself better than I sometimes think I do- all good things.

I had pretty much given up hope that anyone would want to date me right around mid senior year of high school. I think the biggest reality check was when I had to ask three guys to prom before someone finally said yes. Needless to say that I had watched enough Disney movies and rom coms by the time I was 18 to ruin me for a lifetime. Granted, I’d waited for a prince all those years and then as a senior, I finally had to take the bull by the horns and save myself if I wanted to have a date to prom.

I finally was asked on a real live date just after I graduated high school. We dated through mid summer when we parted because I was leaving for college. College kind of started everything over for me- I went three years before I found a relationship again. Not from lack of trying, just from lack of experience. And lack of willingness to participate in…age-expected activities, one shall say. I think that’s what ultimately ended their interest the quickest- which tells you the kind of guys I was attracted to. Continue reading